


April Fools!

by CallmeG



Series: When the Chips are Down [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: April Fools, Borderline crackfic honestly, Gen, Humour, No one knows who's doing it, Pranks on the BAU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:21:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23511526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallmeG/pseuds/CallmeG
Summary: When the chips are down in the BAU, who takes it upon themselves to deliver a couple of brilliantly staged pranks?
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & David Rossi, Aaron Hotchner & Emily Prentiss, Aaron Hotchner & Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Aaron Hotchner & Penelope Garcia, Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Aaron Hotchner & The BAU Team, David Rossi & The BAU Team, Derek Morgan & The BAU Team, Emily Prentiss & The BAU Team, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau & The BAU Team, Penelope Garcia & David Rossi, Penelope Garcia & Derek Morgan, Penelope Garcia & Emily Prentiss, Penelope Garcia & Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Penelope Garcia & Spencer Reid, Penelope Garcia & The BAU Team
Series: When the Chips are Down [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1680142
Comments: 7
Kudos: 85





	April Fools!

_“Oh my god!”_

The entire team was on alert at the screech from Spencer Reid; their youngest member. Jennifer “JJ” Jareau and Emily Prentiss stood from their desks to see what was going on; Dave Rossi and Aaron “Hotch” Hotchner appeared from their offices with Derek Morgan in tow. They all gathered around the young agent, JJ reaching to touch his shoulder but he jerked away.

“Who would do something so evil, so _cruel_? I didn’t think anyone was so cold hearted they could do something like this. Oh god, I think I’m gonna hurl.”

“Spence, relax. Breathe. What’s wrong?” JJ inquired. Quickly skimming the area none of the others found anything particularly out of order on the genius’ desk. Rossi leaned over and nudged Hotch, whispering in his ear.

“I think April Fools just started.”

Aaron fixed him with his best Hotch glare, pushing to the front of the group to console the younger agent. At last, Prentiss gasped, pointing at one of many scientific journals on the desk.

“Guys, everything has been moved an inch to the left and flipped upside down!”

They all froze, skimming over the area. When they deemed Prentiss was indeed correct by the dust they all bit back giggles and snorts.

“Here, Pretty Boy; let us help.”

Spencer let himself be dragged away by JJ, a pout on his face as she directed him toward the coffee machine. The others set to work moving everything to its correct position, including his keyboard and computer monitor. As they moved Reid’s things, Hotch cleared his throat.

“Whoever did this should come to my office at once; you won’t be named and shamed among the group but I will have to punish you somehow.”

“Kinky, sir.”

When Hotch met FBI Tech Analyst Penelope Garcia’s eyes she blinked, blushed bright red, and stammered.

“I- uh- I- oh, sir I-“

“- I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that for your sake, Garcia. Is everything alright?”

“Other than me humiliating myself? Peachy, sir. JJ said you may need some help fixing Reid’s space.”

“How many books does the kid need?” Morgan complained perfectly on time. Garcia did a quick look over the space and frowned.

“Whoever did this also moved all of his sticky notes. Move over, Rossi; I’ll take care of that.”

Called into the meeting room for a team briefing, the last thing the team expected was another prank. Rossi had been in another meeting in his office and was late to the briefing, slipping in the door only seconds before Garcia began to speak. Hotch offered him the chair to his left and Rossi slid on to it effortlessly.

Well. A little effort. He’s old, leave him alone.

That was when the prank struck. Sounding loudly through the reasonably quiet room came a loud, wet, disgusting fart from Rossi and Hotch’s direction. The younger members of the team stared at Hotch in shock but turned their attention to Rossi when Aaron stared right back at them. The oldest agent was staring straight ahead, a terrified look in his eyes. JJ began to giggle and Emily inhaled a snort from deep within. That set off Morgan, then Garcia began to howl with laughter, and finally Spencer doubled over in his chair. Even Hotch managed a smile, patting Dave on the back.

“It happens, Dave, don’t feel embarrassed about a little gas-“

“- it wasn’t _me_!” Rossi insisted. This set off another wave of snorts, giggles and coughs to hide chuckles. JJ reached across the table for a tissue to pat at her eye makeup before she dissolved into laughter again.

“Hotch, seriously. It _wasn’t me_.”

“Well, it wasn’t _me_.”

“Hotch barely blinks, let alone farts,” Garcia blurted. She and Reid dropped to the ground, sobbing with giggles. They were going to be in so much trouble with their boss later, but at that moment they really didn’t care. Defeated, Dave stood from his seat and produced the offending whoopee cushion, tossing it to Hotch who caught it with ease then excused himself to _get water for Garcia and JJ_ (aka hysterically laugh in his office for at least five minutes). Finally recovering, the team climbed back on to their chairs and unlocked their iPads (Reid opened his file and Aaron reappeared a little more stoic with the water he’d said he was getting). Penelope flicked to the first photo and her giggles were abruptly replaced by a grimace.

“Oh my sweet babies, okay I’m going to look away like… right now.”

Facing the profilers, she picked up her iPad and began to introduce the case.

Another couple of hours passed and the team didn’t even have to leave their offices to solve the case- it was effortlessly figured out and sent back to the LEOs, so they set themselves back to paperwork. JJ was back in her old office, typing away and making calls, when she stood from her desk and made a beeline for Hotch’s office. She barely knocked before entering, surprising him as he was mid report. Emily coughed to get Spencer’s attention as the only BAU agent left in the bullpen; JJ, Rossi, Garcia, Morgan and Hotch all got their own offices so quite often it was just them. Reid briefly glanced up from his book, raising an eyebrow.

“What?”

“JJ just barrelled into Hotch’s office. Think something’s wrong?”

“With JJ? It could just be an urgent case. She moves very quickly for a woman in heels every day.”

Emily grabbed Spencer’s book, effectively making him look at her.

“She didn’t _knock_ , Reid. JJ _always_ knocks before entering Hotch’s office.”

He frowned, finally realising what Emily was implying.

“You think something’s wrong with Henry?”

“Maybe.”

The pair stood and Emily kicked off her heels, leaving them by her desk as she and Reid crept over to sit under the window by Hotch’s office. His door had been left open by JJ luckily and Reid hushed Prentiss to hear what was going on.

“JJ, I’m sure it isn’t-“

“-I thought I was calling Will but I called his creepy uncle! Hotch, Henry’s daycare is under that in my contacts but when I went to call them I got his emergency doctor. Imagine what could have happened had I called my mother.”

“What would have happened?”

“Aaron Hotchner! Look; can you help me? I do actually need to call Will and Henry’s daycare.”

“Let me see, JJ.”

Emily and Spencer stifled giggles, rushing away when they heard JJ and Hotch coming back toward the door. Spencer had barely landed his ass in his chair when they appeared, sharing a look before they headed towards him and Prentiss. Hotch crossed his arms while JJ sat on Emily’s desk, a frown on her face.

“What’s up, Jayje? Hotch?” Emily asked as casually as she could but Spencer was just about shoving his entire hand in his mouth out of their view to keep from laughing.

“All of my contacts have been shifted around. When I tried to call Will I called his creepy uncle; labeled in my phone as “Will’s creepy uncle” so there’s no way I misdialled. That was fun to get out of, by the way. Is there any chance you two happen to know who did this?”

“No punishment, as promised from the first two, but I do want to know who is enjoying April Fools so much. It’s very unprofessional to do this in a workplace setting.”

“It wasn’t either of us, Hotch. I’ve been with Emily all day and we’ve both been sitting here doing paperwork.”

When Hotch shifted his eyebrow slightly Emily raised her hands in surrender.

“I promise, sir. Both Reid and myself have been here all day.”

“Hm. Have either of you had a lunch break yet?”

“No sir,” both replied immediately. Aaron turned to JJ.

“It can’t have been them. I’m sorry, JJ. Here; I’ll get Garcia to revert them back to normal.”

Defeated, JJ took her phone from Aaron and exited the room to find Penelope. The Unit Chief glanced between the two, shrugging.

“It could have been a glitch. April Fools, right?”

“Sure thing, Hotch,” Emily replied. She and Reid put their heads down and got back to work. Well, Reid did. Wheeling close to him, Emily held his arm.

“That’s the third prank today.”

“Emily I have an eidetic memory, I do remember the last two. What are you thinking?”

“Either we have a team, or one very, very proactive prankster.”

“It could be Morgan. Remember the last time he pranked me?”

Emily laughed, giving Reid a soft pat on the arm before wheeling back to her desk.

Finally on her 45 minute lunch break, Emily shouldered her bag and joined Reid as they made a beeline for the elevators. They waved at Rossi and Morgan on their way out, Garcia coming up behind them.

“Where are we going for lunch, you two?” She asked as she linked her arms with Prentiss’. Reid shrugged.

“I was feeling Thai but that’s probably not a great idea right now considering it is April Fools.”

“How about pasta? There’s that great Italian takeout place on the corner.”

“That sounds reasonably safe,” Emily agreed.

They grabbed their meals to go, finding a spot at a nearby park to eat. They ended up sharing out what they’d bought (Reid stole most of Emily’s chicken and bacon carbonara but don’t tell her) until they were practically licking the empty containers. Sitting back completely stuffed, Emily poked Spencer’s cheek.

“So c’mon, who do you think is behind all these pranks?”

“Well, I mean, I’m not really sure. Rossi, myself and JJ have all received pranks so far; the day is only half over, I don’t think it’s intra team.”

“You think someone _else_ moved your things, put a whoopee cushion on the chair they knew Rossi was going to sit on, and moved all JJ’s contacts down a letter exactly? No, this is the work of a profiler.”

“You guys _are_ profilers; isn’t this your job? Figuring out who the culprit is?” Garcia questioned as she reached for a napkin. Reid and Prentiss shrugged.

“We really don’t have enough evidence in this case,” Emily frowned. Spencer agreed, gathering up the rubbish from their meal.

“We should get back.”

“But we still have fifteen minutes!” Penelope complained. Glancing around, she spotted Spencer Reid’s one weakness; an antique bookstore.

“Reid, look over there! D’you think it’ll have that thing you were talking about last week?”

“Hopefully, but I probably wouldn’t be able to find it in fifteen minutes.”

“I betcha you can. I’ll time you and everything. If Prentiss finds it before you, I’ll buy both of you drinks next time we go out.”

Spencer’s hazel eyes flashed; no one challenged Reid to find a book and won.

“Fine. Ten minutes and then we need to get back.”

“Let’s go!”

Garcia took off and Emily looked to Spencer, but he just tilted his head in confusion. So much help he was.

Returning to the office precisely forty-three seconds late, Spencer waved at Emily who was heading for the ladies’ room and Garcia who was going back to her lair, taking a seat back at his now completely restored desk. It took him a moment to register the colourful mess on Emily’s desk, but when he did he wheeled himself back just enough to take it in completely. Emily was coming from the bathroom and Spencer turned to her, eyes wide.

“I didn’t do this, I swear, I just sat down-“

“-oh, Reid. I know you, you wouldn’t do this.”

Emily burst out laughing and Spencer joined her after a moment. They leaned on each other, sucking in breaths between their borderline-hysterical giggles. Finally recovering, Emily plucked a couple of the sticky notes off her desk.

“Well, it’s better than Rossi’s fart,” she snorted. Spencer laughed, helping her remove the notes. When she opened her desk drawer to grab a pen she gasped, elbowing Spencer.

“I take back my previous statement. This is so, _so_ evil. Who in their right mind would put _loose glitter_ in my desk drawer?”

Spencer shrugged, continuing to work on the sticky notes. Crying out in defeat, Emily called JJ in.

Penelope’s office phone rang, and she picked it up with one hand while the other continued typing. Before she could begin her usual cheerful greeting, she winced at the way Hotch launched into his predicament. She listened for a moment, before humming.

“Right away, sir. I’m on my way, please stay calm. I’m sure we can get you out, don’t worry.”

Hanging up she shook herself out, taking a moment to register the phone call she had just received from a frantic Aaron Hotchner. That was a new one. The other new one was the fact he had been superglued to his chair and now couldn’t move. He needed her to help without telling anyone else. On her walk, she passed Derek who was on the phone.

“No, I don’t want to talk to your manager, I want- _hey_! Oh, damn it.”

Swearing under his breath, Derek wanted to smack his head on the nearest wall. Apparently he was the latest victim of the prank war; someone had said he would order pizza for the ENTIRE FBI BUILDING and left his number with the pizza place the unit usually ordered from; he’d spent the good part of the last hour trying to tell this underpaid university student that he didn’t order them but they were convinced he did. Watching Garcia rush toward Hotch’s office caught his attention, so while the waiting list tone sang in one ear, he quietly snuck over to see what was going on.

The door shut in his face and he winced, instead choosing to peek through the shut blinds. He could hear Penelope walking around in her heels along with Hotch’s low voice and panicked when he heard Hotch call to their tech analyst.

“Call housekeeping; tell them I’ll probably need a new chair. God knows they won’t be able to get this off it, it stains really bad sometimes.”

Hanging up on the poor pizza kid, Derek opened the door to protect Penelope. He never would have expected she and Hotch would be sleeping together, but April Fools does weird things to people. What he saw in front of him was more shocking than them sleeping together. Sitting at his desk with a deeper-than-usual-Hotch-glare, the Unit Chief was fuming as he tried to get up but his pants kept him firmly in place. Morgan stifled a laugh, gesturing to his boss.

“You look a little… _stuck_ , sir.”

“Morgan if you want to keep your job I strongly recommend you close the door and help me out.”

“Hey, Rossi have you got a second?”

“For you, Reid? Only a second.”

Spencer baulked at Dave’s teasing but when the older agent went to explain he just shook his head.

“I got it. I actually came to see if you knew anything about who was pranking us. Emily and Derek have both been pranked in the last hour, and if the hushed voices in Hotch’s office are anything to go by I’d say he got one too.”

Dave frowned, sitting at his desk. A creaking noise echoed out of Hotch’s office that was separated from his by a large window and both agents winced when they heard fabric tearing. Whoever this prankster was, they were going to get the punishment of the century.

“Sir, stop moving. Stop, it’ll keep ripping!”

Garcia’s voice drifted through and Spencer cleared his throat.

“Rossi? Any ideas?”

“I wish I could say I knew, but… I’m just not sure.”

“Me neither. Everyone’s gotten pranked except Garcia and I’m pretty certain she wouldn’t do something like this. She’s sweet and cares about us.”

“She could also rearrange JJ’s contacts in the click of a button. She has constant access to mine and Hotch’s offices, and she goes into the meeting room before any of us.”

Spencer blinked.

“Okay. Say it is her; what do we do?”

“Get her back.”

“How?”

Rossi smiled, patting Spencer’s hand.

“You know the saying, kid; if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.”

“Ready?”

“Ready when you are, Dave.”

“Here she comes.”

The two agents made a beeline for Rossi’s office, the most far away one from Garcia’s lair. Hotch’s door was still closed and they could hear JJ debriefing him on a case she had been working on solo. Turning on his computer, Rossi brought up the security camera footage that Garcia herself had taught him to do, glancing to check the timestamp.

“Okay, we’re good.”

Watching the live footage they saw Penelope enter her lair and put her bag down, tossing her heels under her desk to get comfortable before she sat. Reaching to turn her monitors on after a bathroom break, she was confused when they refused to turn on. Blinking, she tried again. This time, her fairy lights in the background flicked off and she jumped. Reaching for her torch, she found the light switch and breathed a sigh of relief when it worked. Ducking under her desk she checked the monitors were plugged in at the wall. When she determined they were in the right spot she got up, tapping the spacebar to try and wake her computer up. Glancing down she realised her actual computer was turned on; it was just her monitors. Reid and Rossi watched as she spent a couple of minutes fiddling with her monitors and keyboard before she groaned.

“Oh, really? Really, people? Are you kidding me?”

Reaching forward she peeled back the think black paper on her monitors, exposing the brightly lit- working- displays. Throwing her head back, Garcia raised her hands in surrender as she laughed.

“April Fools!”

“Before we start this morning, I think we should talk about the events of yesterday.”

Hotch, wearing a deep navy suit instead of his regular black one, looked rather put out as he put down his iPad. The rest of the team, Garcia included, looked up and agreed. Hotch ran a hand through his hair.

“I _was_ going to inflict severe punishment on the person who made cost me a pair of Armani dress pants but instead I think what we should do is prank them right back. No planned attacks; it will happen when you least expect it.”

“Sir, who was it?” JJ asked. Hotch’s eyes met Garcia’s as she struggled not to laugh.

He shrugged, “Garcia, why don’t you tell them who the culprit was?”

“It was _me_!” She screeched then proceeded to fall into giggles. Everyone sat back for a moment, processing the new information before the riot began.

“That was _you_? Garcia, you’re evil!”

“Penny G, how could you?”

“Baby girl, you’ll be buying me a new bottle of Advil after the headache I had yesterday.”

“And we’re going to a museum together,” Reid chipped in. Derek held his shoulder.

“Now now Reid; let’s not go too far.”

“I actually think I kind of hate you right now,” Emily blurted. Penelope pouted before winking at her. Standing, she took her iPad with her to the centre of the room.

“Listen, I did it for a reason so please don’t be mad at me. The morale around here has been really low recently and I know the job is tough and I know that sometimes we all get caught up in it, so when I realised April first was coming up I knew I had to do _something_! Hotch, you laughed; I haven’t seen you laugh in like… ever? Spencer, you left the FBI to go out for lunch and I know that makes you anxious sometimes. Emily, you glittered for the rest of the day beautifully, and Jayje you took it all in your stride. The pranks on Morgan and Rossi were just bonuses.”

“Oh my god, Garcia,” Rossi sighed. Despite his head in his hands, the entire team knew he was laughing. They slowly joined in except for Hotch who _winked at Garcia_.

_What’s a pair of Armani dress pants in comparison to a smiling, happy team?_


End file.
